Add to this, my own obscure prospects and dubious situation. He had it in his power to introduce me to society, and without an introduction, it was scarcely possible to gain access to any social circle or domestic fireside. With all his ingenuousness of aspect and overflow of thoughts, when he allowed me his company, I felt myself painfully bewildered with regard to his genuine condition and sentiments. I wanted to share in his occupations and views. I felt myself removed to a comfortless and chilling distance from Ludloe. I ate and drank, enjoyed clothing and shelter, without the exercise of forethought or industry I walked and sat, went out and returned for as long and at what seasons I thought proper, yet my condition was a fertile source of discontent. The solitude in which I lived became daily more painful. But these privileges, though while listening to his arguments I could not deny them to be valuable, I would have willingly dispensed with.
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